Wednesday, October 3, 2007

A handFULL of mistakes, a bundle of LIES and a SIP of truth?

Guess I went too mumbo jumbo with the title... hahaha wuttaheck... the last time I had my moment of reflection, things don’t go really well. Superficially everything's nice. Suuuperr nice and picture perfect from a shallow point of view. There’s still something missing, several gaps on life's jigsaw puzzle that just couldn't be filled. Voids that are swallowing everything, slowly like a black hole sucking matter into nothingness.

I had things which I’m not supposed to jump into, feelings that aren't supposed to be dwelled upon. Because I already know the ending from the last pages of this story. but still I’m still reading it, hoping that somehow the ending would change. And I’m not talking about fictions, non-fictions or whatever other genre of books available today. I’m talking about the book of reality. I think, sometimes, I am still naive in this world. Easily deceived and used by those who are good with their words. Or maybe its because of my nature... a lawful neutral, that people would take advantage on loopholes of my thinking system and belief. It’s not that I didn't notice bout it but I’d hate to show them the 'other' side of me. The critical voice in my head that keeps on telling me things which I refrain myself from but never gained control. I believe that everybody have that one little voice in their head right? (or am I schizophrenic ?? =p)

Like it or not... we hafta admit that life itself is struggle... a struggle to do the right thing. A struggle within us all. And like it or not, we live in lies... lies we told our self to make us feel better. Or a lie to turn the table to be in our favor... lies lies and lies... lies we live, lies we told, lies we believed in, lies we've been told. So in our head... which voice is actually the honest one? The truthful one? Which one is the real 'us'? Why do we, humans, struggle to fight all the inevitable? Fighting against death, fight to live in a world without war, fight to be in a society without crimes, fight to be accepted into groups we don’t belong, fight to have a relationship without lies... why do we fight? Can’t we just give in? Maybe that's what made mankind so great... filled with the powerful will... the same will that drove Adam to eat the forbidden fruit... the same will that casted us out from heaven but the same will that made us survive this world so far... =D

So listen... those whispers are actually who we really are... it’s actually a manifestation of our mind thinking from different view and perspective. We're all sinners... we're all tainted... but at the same time, we're all angels, we fought to save souls with the same tainted hand.. Never be ashamed... embrace who we are... for we are the most precious for ourselves... =D