Monday, 11 August 2008

Self defense 101: For ladies only!

Whenever you flick papers nowadays, it is a sure thing that you’ll see a sexually oriented crime being reported everyday. Be it from sexual harassment cases, rapes, murders and even snatching. The victim is almost always female. It’s obvious that this type of news is what really sells the paper. For example tabloids, they’re full of it. Not quite convinced? Try opening any… I mean ANY online newspaper and then look for ‘most viewed’, for sure it’ll be news from that domain (cheyy.. now there is an official domain for it! =p). Lately, a good friend of mine has started working at the heart of the city. She’s working on odd hours, UK time, so she would be coming back home during AMs. So we kinda like provided her with some useful tips to prevent her from being in tomorrow’s newspaper.
  • Tint the side window as dark as possible– this will surely minimize your ‘invitation’ level while driving. And if you were stopped by a JPJ, inform that you work at odd hours and would usually drive alone at night (or you could choose a more common method, smile and flirt with the officer xD).

  • Always lock the doors and never linger(not lingerie you pervie!!) in the car. Just get in and move out!

  • When you are walking, have your keys between your fingers, poking out of your knuckle. It will be an instant weapon if you shove that on your assailant’s face (just don’t shove it on your boyfriend’s face laa..).

Figure 1.1: Imagine having this kick-ass brass knuckle with your keys

Photo taken from

  • If you’re assaulted, attack the vital areas. Assuming that it’s a guy, kick his (assuming only men have balls) future sons and daughters. If it’s a lady (yeaahh.. women can be a sexual animal too..) or of unknown sex (yeaahh.. the city is full of it already), refer to item no 3.

    Figure 1.2: Let granny show you young ladies how it is done

    Photo taken from

  • And if you’re being followed/stalked by a stranger, find a way to really drop his/her/its (I'm trying to be as universal as i could) interest on you, for example, DIG YOUR NOSE!!

Figure 1.3: Making this move will surely cuts off any sexual intention whatsoever

Photo taken from

Although this wont stop the demented and twisted ones, you will stop your everyday 'Joe' from dropping some cheesy line or some idiots who love harassing or teasing girls late at night. xD It can also be applied whenever you wanna cut off an interest from a guy you are not interested in. But you need all the guts in the whole wide world to pull this "weapon of mass destruction". Hahahahahaha =P

p/s:- please do drop any practical safety tips for me to share with that friend of mine! it'd be much appreciated. tengkiu! =D


Angel On My Bike said...

azzam.. trick aku selamatkan diri menguap besar2 jep weyh.. mmg org tak lalu tgk la.. masuk gear teruss...

hana_lalalala said...

hahaha there's another trick anis taught me.

she said kalau ade org nak ngorat or kacau, start talking in a sengau voice, like kepit hidung punye suara, and then speak mcm org jawa. ahhaha

mesti terus bla je mamat tu.

oh anis did that once. betul! kat pasar malam. hahaha

and then dia dengar that guy bisik (muka je lawa. suara hodoh)

wahahhaha hilarious!

Azzam?? said...

bayne: menguap?? are sure?? =p

hana:aaaaa... sengau would work laa kot.. or better.. u buat2 bisu!! muahahaha

hana_lalalala said...

bisu? boleh juga tu